Times Square kiss with hubby

Our wedding day

engagement picture

my "son" toby - and he is itching for a sibling i know ;)

Baby fever!

I wont deny it. I have baby fever something awful.

Seeing a swaddled, burping, pink faced, pacifier sucking baby sends me
to 7th heaven.

I've always liked children. I've always wanted to be a mom.

In home economic at school, the politically correct question given was
"What career do you want when you finish school"
To think, there was a time when home economics prepared young girls
for lives of motherhood and domestic engineering.

I would think about the question, and answered almost embarrassed to say
"I want to raise babies"

I knew that wasn't the right answer. I was supposed to say "Teacher. Doctor
Lawyer, President! "

For as long as I can remember, I have wistfully longed for motherhood.

I am no stranger to children. Growing up in a large puerto Rican family, we
certainly knew how to do one thing very well. REPRODUCE !

I am one of 8 children, and I have over 15 nieces, nephews with great nieces
and nephews to boot.

I knew how to change a diaper before I knew how to comb my own hair!
I'm no stranger to the wails of a feverish baby, or the endless poopy diapers.
I'm not naive about kids. I know they are hard work, and some times
ungrateful cash pits. However the longing to be called "Mommy" will not\
be quenched.

My husband... to put it frankly is... terrified
He knows nothing about babies or children.
I want it now, he would rather wait.

He has in recent months however gotten into the spirit.
He has pulled me over on several occasions to the baby department
at target, his eye on a onesie.

He loves me so much, that he is willing to set aside his fears, and help me
produce offspring.

So I patiently wait. As patient as a 30 year old newlywed
with baby fever can. Until we can really give this baby making
thing a real go.

:)

The moment my world changed

The thing about life changing moments is that you don't always see them
coming.

Whether it's a happy life changer, like winning the lotto, or a sad one like
the death of a loved one, the common thread is... you didn't necessarily
see it coming.

So was my diagnoses of Multiple Sclerosis.
I was 23 when my life was basically forever changed.

How I make my decisions, who I allow in my life, and how I see the future
all changed the day my doctor called and said "Naomi, you have MS"

I was hysterical and in tears of course. 1000000 questions flooded my mind.
First of which, strangely enough was "who will marry me now???"

Months of tests culminated in a diagnoses I never expected. I was now
afflicted with a disease I knew very little about.

MS??? Didn't it leave you blind? Didn't it put you in a wheel chair?
Weren't you in need of constant care? wasn't there endless pain?

My arm was numb and "heavy" for 6 months after that day. I found myself
in a deep depression. I don't know whether it was the diagnoses or the
disease itself which made me depressed, but I wanted to end my life
on a daily basis. My heart felt as numb as my limbs.

I did all I could to learn about MS and what it meant to me. I was
comforted and terrified all at once. I knew that medicine would slow
down the progression of the disease, but I knew that slowing it down
didn't mean it wasn't still marching on. It was leaving scars in my brain
and lesions in my spinal cord. I saw my future in a different light, and for a
while doubted whether my dream of motherhood would ever come true.

Everyone around me changed as well.
At moments I was heralded as strong Christian who was facing her
Affiliation with bravery, faith  and courage
Other moments treated as a frail paper doll who could break at any moment.
I was ordered not to lift, or carry things if other could do it for me
Told to say home and rest...even if I felt perfectly fine
Or others deeply looked into my eyes with sorrow, as if I was given a
death sentence.
Mostly though, I was given blank stares as people sheepishly admitted
they knew nothing of the disease, although they donated money for a walk
one time.

Well since then, I've become very educated about MS.
I no longer fear the same things, at least not to the same degree.
While the course of my life has been altered by MS, I am not
defined by my MS.

I continue to dream about being a mom, owning a home, and working
for as long as I choose.  These are dreams I wont give up on, and MS
can't steal... at least not with out a fight :)

baby steps to baby steps

I went to the doctor today.

Not just any doctor, but the DUNT DUNT DUHH Neurologist!

It's always scary for me, cause I never know what she is gonna say.

Today we discussed getting off my medication so that I can try to get pregnant.

You see, no medication used to slow MS down is approved for pregnant woman.

The medicine I'm on right now called "Gilenya" has shown to cause heart defects

in the fetus of rats and rabbits.  Yeah so not exactly the type of stuff you want

swimming in your bloodstream while a baby rents space in your tummy.

That being said, the visit went well. My MS is under control.

I just pray my health continues to stay stable, relapses S-U-C-K.

Welcome to my blog :)

Here you will find all the things I want to say, but refrain.

What type of things you ask?

-My thoughts about being a mom, and working mom at that.

- My failures and success when it comes to weight management.

- My relationship with God

- My diagnoses with Multiple Sclerosis and how I cope.


Maybe you'll find what I say funny, inspiring, amusing, uplifting,
crazy, insightful, or boring and weird.

What does gradual grace mean you might ask
(the header on my blog)
Well I see a shrink you see ( not surprised are you?)
She says I live too much in the future, worrying about things
I can't do anything about.
I thought about that and realized if God is gonna help
me with all the crap going on in my mind, it's gonna be little by little

Gradual Grace is what I have to get me through each day.
A little grace for this task, a little more for another.
Life is a BIG journey!
God is helping me with each step, but he will only reveal
the path a little at a time.  I will get the help I need, when I need it
gradually grace is revealed!


anyways this is my blog
Read a little, or read alot -  comments are welcome (i guess...)